Thursday, March 27, 2008

SEX has EVERYTHING to do with it!

Piqued your curiosity again didn't I? Anything with the word SEX in it people will read. I know I do.

Let's be honest people, SEX has everything to do with a relationship. EVERYTHING. So for those of you emo, politically correct poseurs who think they're being righteous by saying crap like, "No no, looks have nothing to do with it. I just like him because he's so sweet !", then you're either extremely naive (pronounced nigh-eve not nave) or you're smoking something epic, in which case I want some.

There are obviously a miriad of variations to the punk-ass cop-out line like the one above such as, "Looks don't matter to me, as long as he treats me well." or "He makes me feel good about myself, so that's all that matters to me." etc. I'm sure you have all heard or used these types of lines before, but unless 'he makes me feel good' is code for "WOW his cock feels good inside me!" or "DAMN, nobody blows like that!", then whoever dishes these lines are full of sh!t.

Yeah yeah, all the stereotypical staple boyfriend girlfriend stuff is important too like hygiene, similar interests, personality, blah blah blah... but SEX is often never used as one of the main reasons you're still with somebody. SEX should be less of a negative superficiality and should be one of the main criteria when considering prospects to be with in a long term relationship. Sure they can be charming and funny, but what if they abosolutely SUCK in bed. I mean really terrible, like Gene Simmons terrible*. Think about it, you have to "hit that" and only that for a very long time. Maybe even forever?

If you've only just started a relationship (when it's supposed to be the steamiest and sexually driven) and already you're describing the person as funny, or sweet, and avoid saying that the sex is just 'meh', that relationship my friend won't last. And if it does, man I feel bad for you and your genitals. Not only because you'll be bored as f*ck but be ready for the words 'affair' and 'cheating' to pop up sometime in the near future as well. You need to have the clothes tearing, wall-slamming, sex in a night club washroom kind of sex every now and then. For all the lame o's out there, that roughly translates into passion and spontaneity.

Gene Simmons - Creepy no?

*For those of you who didn't get the Gene Simmons reference, google "Gene Simmons sex tape" and you'll understand. You'd think that a world famous rock star and international sex symbol would have some skills. *hangs head in shame*

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